The age is not something I am looking forward to. Maybe I am being silly because to some 30 isn't old at all. But when I was younger I thought 30 would be a big deal.I should be more scared of turning 40 or 50.But 30 is hard enough to wrap my head around right now. The majority of people I know that have died were in thier early 60's. When you look at it that way...There went half of my life??????
So is the glass half empty or half full...depends on the day. Especially with everything that I have gone through in the last 30 years.
So here is my attempt at looking at it as half full.I have made it a point to stress to the husband that I want to get away just him and I for my birthday. We are hoping to have the money to spend the night at the coast.I am a little stressed out worrying if I will be able to afford it. I know he doesn't have a plan b for if we don't have the money and that upsets me a little bit too. wish me luck! I'll let you know how it went.
Monday, January 17, 2011
My list of 100 favorite movies
As promised here is my first list. It did take me a while just to get this list compiled. The titles in blue are the ones I own, the others I have seen or used to have copies of but do not have currently. Most of them are not in order but I can defiantly say that the first 4 are my all time favorites.
My top 100 favorite movies
1. The Wizard of Oz
2. Titanic (James Cameron version)
3. Rent
4. Serenity
5. 10 things I hate about you
6. Labyrinth (the one with Billie Idol in it)
7. The Princess Bride
8. The Phantom of the Opera
9. Chasing Amy
10. Mallrats
11. Sleepless in Seattle
12. You’ve got mail
13. The little rascals
14. Dirty Dancing
15. Rad
16. Adventures in Babysitting
17. Alice
18. Alice
19. Stardust
20. Pump up the volume
21. The Breakfast Club
22. fast times at Ridgemount high
23. 16 candles
24. License to drive
25. Gremlins 2
26. The Goonies
27. The Lost Boys
28. Now and Then
29. Escape to witch mountain (original)
30. Beauty and The Beast
31. While you were sleeping
32. Practical Magic
33. The Craft
34. What dreams may come
35. Twilight ( I honestly can’t believe that I didn’t think of these earlier)
36. New Moon
37. Eclipse
38. Across the universe
39. PS I love you
40. The Blind Side
41. Forces Of Nature
42. Hope Floats
43. Moulin Rouge
44. Chicago
45. Jerry Maguire
46. Empire Records
47. 8 seconds
48. walk the line
49. sweet home Alabama
50. Almost Famous
51. Tombstone
52. Robin Hood Prince of Thieves
53. Varsity Blues
54. Sweeny Todd the demon barber of fleet street
55. Fried green tomatoes
56. The Imaginarium of doctor Parnassus
57. Casanova
58. Much ado about nothing
59. cry baby
60. A knights tale
61. Mystery men
62. The truth about cats and dogs
63. Casper
64. when harry met sally
65. City of Angels
66. The mask of Zorro
67. Mr. and Mrs. smith
68. Coyote ugly
69. Hackers
70. Girl interrupted
71. The bluebird (Shirley Temple)
72. Hairspray (with John Travolta)
73. Flower Drum Song
74. Guys and Dolls
75. Oklahoma
76. my best friends wedding
77. runaway bride
78. pretty woman
79. center stage
80. A league of their own
81. Sleepy Hollow (Tim Burton)
82. the brothers grim (heath ledger)
83. clueless
84. rocky horror picture show
85. Spirit (the horse cartoon)
86. Sleeping beauty
87. the little mermaid
88. Grease
89. The Outsiders
90. The Italian Job
91. The Notebook
92. The time travelers wife
93. The devil wears parade
94. Bad Girls
95. Encino Man
96. Easy A
97. Bye Bye Birdie
98. The Parent Trap (the original one)
99. The Quiet man
100. How to make an American Quilt
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Learning a little bit
OK here is number 2, hopefully it will be shorter, but who knows...I can be long winded.
So with this recent drama going on one thing I have been focusing on is learning. As I have mentioned before I just started college but that isn't what I am talking about. I have been having a hard time trying to figure out things about myself. For instance my husband asked me what I want for my birthday. You would think after 9 years of being together and almost 7 years of marriage that he would know me well enough to get me a birthday present.
My husband is actually really bad at buying presents, our first Christmas together he bought me a box of colored pencils, a Cosmo magazine and a Tupperware organizer for my scrap booking stuff. But despite that, I didn't know what to tell him. Going through everything I have in the last year and turning (gulp) 30- having a happy birthday has not been one of my top priorities. Being a little depressed I really don't know what I want anymore...but it's more then that, it's worse. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore!
Well that just will not do. So once upon a time I had stumbled on a self help book. The entire book contained nothing but lined pages and headers at the top. It was called the book of lists. The idea was that you could get to know yourself by writing these lists of things you liked, things you thought about, so on and so fourth. I never had the money to buy the book of lists but still wanted to try the concept.
Tonight I stumbled upon someone Else's blog on hub pages (sorry I should have taken notes so that I could reference this ladies blog and set up a link). In her blog she stated that she challenged a group of women she was mentoring to make a list of 100 things. It could be on anything you wanted but it had to be positive.The idea is to build character, organize your thoughts and possibly eventually think of things that make u happy.
On her blog she actually wrote a list of 100 things you could write lists on.I stole 10 of them.
The ten lists of 100 I wrote down...
A bucket list
100 things I'm grateful for
100 things I like about myself
100 I am good at
100 beliefs I have about relationships
100 songs I love
100 movies I love
100 places I have been/ preferably and liked
100 decisions that have changed my life
100 things I want my kids to know.
Now seeing as how it is now 5 am I am really pretty tired but here is my goal for these first 10 top 100 lists. I will work on one list at a time and try to post it preferably at the very least once a month. And yes these lists will be here on this blog....
why?
I started this blog to vent, as most people do. This is my real life that you are reading. But when ever reading other blogs or even books (remind me to do a list of 100 books i have actually read too) I have always wanted to know just a little bit more about the main character (aka me).It makes you feel more connected with the character and you can relate better, So that is what I am hoping to accomplish by this. So again thanks for reading, I look forward to sharing with you.
So with this recent drama going on one thing I have been focusing on is learning. As I have mentioned before I just started college but that isn't what I am talking about. I have been having a hard time trying to figure out things about myself. For instance my husband asked me what I want for my birthday. You would think after 9 years of being together and almost 7 years of marriage that he would know me well enough to get me a birthday present.
My husband is actually really bad at buying presents, our first Christmas together he bought me a box of colored pencils, a Cosmo magazine and a Tupperware organizer for my scrap booking stuff. But despite that, I didn't know what to tell him. Going through everything I have in the last year and turning (gulp) 30- having a happy birthday has not been one of my top priorities. Being a little depressed I really don't know what I want anymore...but it's more then that, it's worse. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore!
Well that just will not do. So once upon a time I had stumbled on a self help book. The entire book contained nothing but lined pages and headers at the top. It was called the book of lists. The idea was that you could get to know yourself by writing these lists of things you liked, things you thought about, so on and so fourth. I never had the money to buy the book of lists but still wanted to try the concept.
Tonight I stumbled upon someone Else's blog on hub pages (sorry I should have taken notes so that I could reference this ladies blog and set up a link). In her blog she stated that she challenged a group of women she was mentoring to make a list of 100 things. It could be on anything you wanted but it had to be positive.The idea is to build character, organize your thoughts and possibly eventually think of things that make u happy.
On her blog she actually wrote a list of 100 things you could write lists on.I stole 10 of them.
The ten lists of 100 I wrote down...
A bucket list
100 things I'm grateful for
100 things I like about myself
100 I am good at
100 beliefs I have about relationships
100 songs I love
100 movies I love
100 places I have been/ preferably and liked
100 decisions that have changed my life
100 things I want my kids to know.
Now seeing as how it is now 5 am I am really pretty tired but here is my goal for these first 10 top 100 lists. I will work on one list at a time and try to post it preferably at the very least once a month. And yes these lists will be here on this blog....
why?
I started this blog to vent, as most people do. This is my real life that you are reading. But when ever reading other blogs or even books (remind me to do a list of 100 books i have actually read too) I have always wanted to know just a little bit more about the main character (aka me).It makes you feel more connected with the character and you can relate better, So that is what I am hoping to accomplish by this. So again thanks for reading, I look forward to sharing with you.
a month
( A little preamble, I think that is what it is called. I just read my last blog to figure out where I need to start on this one.I want to first apologize for all the typos in the last blog, that's embarrassing! Also because of the time that has elapsed since my last blog I am going to write 2 tonight. So thanks for reading, here you go)
A month is approximately 30 days give or take. depending on how you look at it, it can be a short amount of time or really long. For me the last month has been a busy emotional roller coaster. So let me take you back to the beginning of my month.
December 9th 2010
I had just got home from orientation for my first semester of college. It was about 8 pm. That is when my half brother called." He's coming."
"What?"
"Her water broke, he's coming." The panic in his voice was a little comical.
Ok so "he's coming" which means off to the hospital WE go. I don't care who slept with who at this point, he needs to be there for the birth of his child and I need to be there for my sister. That was my only train of thought at that time.
But as time slowed to a crawl I had way too much time to think.Her water did brake but she wasn't progressing very fast so WE spent the night there. Eventually they both fell asleep but I didn't, I couldn't. I sat there and thought and thought. What was the rest of our lives going to be like? How was I really going to feel towards him, towards them? If that didn't drive me crazy enough when the next morning came I had to go home to take care of our kids. My daughter had to go to school and my son needed a sitter, I couldn't have them hanging around the hospital room and at this point they only knew they were having a cousin. My husband stayed at the hospital.
Also at the hospital was my father. The man who was not part of my life for one reason or another and I had only really known for about 4 years now. He had his own opinions about the situation and during our little smoke breaks down stairs he made sure I knew his opinion.He kept asking me if I was all right but that is like asking some one if they are alright after a loved one passed away...No of course not.
Later on in the evening my sister was still not progressing very well. They had induced her to help her along but every time they turned on the potosin (induction medicine) babies heart rate would drop a lot. So she needed an emergency c-section. Unfortunately blood and guts just isn't me so my husband got into scrubs and went with her to see his newest son be born. I think waiting in the hospital room was the longest 45 minutes of my life. I am pretty sure I was pretty close to resembling a leading character in a zombie movie.
A month is approximately 30 days give or take. depending on how you look at it, it can be a short amount of time or really long. For me the last month has been a busy emotional roller coaster. So let me take you back to the beginning of my month.
December 9th 2010
I had just got home from orientation for my first semester of college. It was about 8 pm. That is when my half brother called." He's coming."
"What?"
"Her water broke, he's coming." The panic in his voice was a little comical.
Ok so "he's coming" which means off to the hospital WE go. I don't care who slept with who at this point, he needs to be there for the birth of his child and I need to be there for my sister. That was my only train of thought at that time.
But as time slowed to a crawl I had way too much time to think.Her water did brake but she wasn't progressing very fast so WE spent the night there. Eventually they both fell asleep but I didn't, I couldn't. I sat there and thought and thought. What was the rest of our lives going to be like? How was I really going to feel towards him, towards them? If that didn't drive me crazy enough when the next morning came I had to go home to take care of our kids. My daughter had to go to school and my son needed a sitter, I couldn't have them hanging around the hospital room and at this point they only knew they were having a cousin. My husband stayed at the hospital.
Also at the hospital was my father. The man who was not part of my life for one reason or another and I had only really known for about 4 years now. He had his own opinions about the situation and during our little smoke breaks down stairs he made sure I knew his opinion.He kept asking me if I was all right but that is like asking some one if they are alright after a loved one passed away...No of course not.
Later on in the evening my sister was still not progressing very well. They had induced her to help her along but every time they turned on the potosin (induction medicine) babies heart rate would drop a lot. So she needed an emergency c-section. Unfortunately blood and guts just isn't me so my husband got into scrubs and went with her to see his newest son be born. I think waiting in the hospital room was the longest 45 minutes of my life. I am pretty sure I was pretty close to resembling a leading character in a zombie movie.
Shortly after 8 pm in walks my husband (still in scrubs) holding his brand new baby boy. A small 6 pound bundle in his arms.I immediately started snapping pictures like I was the paparazzi. Mainly because that is what I do, I usually love to take pictures. But the other reason was to hide behind the camera. To hide behind the rush of emotions I was feeling and not wanting to express. Suddenly it was my father's brilliant idea to have me hold my nephew and my picture taken.
Picture has been altered to protect every ones privacy. Actually I really don't care if you know me or not but it is just something that I feel is needed even though I am blogging about it. Notice I haven't used any names? But yes that is me in blue nail polish holding my new born nephew/ step son.
He instantly stopped crying when I held him which was kind of neat but I couldn't help but think "What am I to you?"
I didn't have long to dwell on my thoughts this time, they wheeled in my sister and shortly I was back to behind the camera. I was trying my best to document everything via camera. I took pictures of mommy and daddy. The first feeding, the foot prints and the first bath.Nurses were every where, writing down the measurements and taking care of my sister. One of the nurses had asked what babies name was, my sister and I both started to say his name but the nurse walked right by me and said "I was talking to mom."
That hurt, it wasn't meant to...after all, the nurses knew the awkward situation and I wasn't the mom to this new little bundle of joy. But it hurt none the less. When things had finally started to calm down I sat on the visitors couch in the back of the room, out of the way. My sister looked over at me (poor thing was still very doped up on morphine) and smiled. "Don't you feel like a new mom too?"
"Not exactly."
Time to leave, I had to get out of there. I didn't want to tell my sister how I felt, I couldn't bare to have my husband touch me let alone talk to me but what was I going to do? By this time it was 10:00 at night.The kids were staying with their other aunt for the night.I told my husband to stay at the hospital for the night to get to know his new son and to help my sister. I hadn't been to sleep yet (awake for over 24 hours is no fun) but unfortunately a little cold hard fact was staring me in the face. The place that my new adorable nephew had been conceived was on my very own bed at home. Where else was I to go? I took a pain reliever and went to sleep, hoping that the pill would work fast and keep me asleep the entire night. It did.
The baby was healthy and they say that is the most important part...unfortunately (call it Karma) my sister did not recover well either. She ended up getting a uterine infection and her incision did not want to heal, she ended up staying in the hospital for another week, but because she attempted to go home in that week the hospital has a policy that the nurses can not help you take care of your kids, even if they are just new born. So he stayed a couple nights with us until my sister felt better.
Since then of course we had Christmas and new years came again. Just like last new years it was me, my husband and my sister hanging out.I didn't get drunk this year, neither did my sister mainly because she was still on pain meds for her infection.
Now my nephew is a month old as of yesterday. I am still trying to cope with everything and really focusing on my homework or anything else that keeps me from thinking. I still haven't talked much to my husband and my sister and I never really talk about anything DEEP. She still hangs out and the kids now know that their cousin is their brother but they actually took it pretty well...I guess I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop on that subject.
So that's where life stands right now for the most part,as a famous country singer once cruned...."Life's a dance you learn as you go."
Monday, December 6, 2010
Current events
So now that you know a little about my background let's touch on the current situation. Of course it has a back ground too. I was always big on wanting a normal life when I grew up, you know to fit into my girl next door charector a little better. A happily married couple taking care of thier children together,even thought about joining the PTA and having play dates for my children. Never wanted a day care to raise my kids but wasn't about to be a mini van mom either.
As John Lennon said, life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. I was able to stay home after my son was born but this day and age in America you do not make a lot of money in a minimum wage one income family. So I got a job when my son turned 1 year old. The job was at a call center which it turned out I could do pretty good at if i pushed myself, and at times made some really good money. I was making enough money that my husband could in theory stay home and take care of the kids. So he quit his job...but that had a negative effect on me and because it's not supposed to be a stay at home dad it's supposed to be a stay at home mom.
Things started spiraling from there but I tried to hold it together. My husband was playing video games a lot so we didn't go out much. It was his escape from his inner demonds so to speak. We didn't have a lot of friends but my sister had recentally moved back into town.
I didn't grow up with my sister, she is 7 years younger then me and is only my half sister. Her and I became really close and so she started hanging out at our house everyday. Soon she started hanging out with my husband on her days off while I was at work....I think most people can see where this is leading.
New years eve 2009 my sister, my husband and I all got a little tipsy. Adult subjects were touched up on and there was a bit of flirting but nothing was supposed to come of it. I woke up New Years morning to my husband and my sister cuddled up on the living room couch under a blanket because they were cold. I was assured that nothing happened.
My sister continued to hang out a lot, spending her nights off at my house and most of her evenings even when she did work. Very rarley did she spend time away from us. One morning she walks into my bedroom and lets me know that she is pregnant. (play stupid time) Who is the father? No one I know , it was a one night stand. I wasn't going to push it but ofcourse I had my suspicions and so did everyone else. One time my half brother got mad at my sister and sent her a text. She wwas mad and threw the phone, I asked her if I could read the text. She said I could. "have fun hanning out with Jo and the baby's daddy".
So yes I confronted my husband. He asked me how I could think that I would do that to him and to our family...a bunch of other stuff that I really don't remember.I gave him the benifit of the doubt but still knew it didn't fit right.
By the time my sister was 5 months along I was having a real hard time with my anxiety and depression trying to hold it all in and hold everyone together. The three of us took my kids to a friends kids birthday party at a park. Thankfully it was a bright sunny day, I was wearing sunglasses.For me wearing sunglasses is very disorienting. It is like watching tv. My husband and I were sitting on a short wall at the playground with my sister in a swing across from us. I could tell something was bothering my husband so I started to push a little. It didn't take much and honestly I really don't remember much of what he said. My sister got up immediatley and almost ran across the playground. That's when he came clean with me. I actually kinda smiled. About time! I'm not even sure what I said...I have a great blocking mechanisim when it comes to trauma.
I was like a zombie for the rest of that day, the next day I was supposed to go to work and then we were all going to go to the county fair. (Alot of times my sister came everywhere with us, we rarely did anything without bringing her along) Instead that morning I waited for my boss to show up. I told her everything that had happend and told her I was not going to be able to work. I got in my truck and just started driving. 80 miles later I was in a rurual town in the foorhills of the cascades. I stayed there for 2 or 3 hours in a parkinglot of a little grocery store. I finally called my husband and told him where I was and we talked a little bit.Again ofcourse I don't remember what was said. but we agreed to try to work through this. I drove home and evven still went to the county fair and pretended like everything was ok.
The next day I still had problems adjusting to the whoole situation so my husband and I went to the coast to try to talk some things out. I think we had agreed on what we needed to work on but again...don't remember.
Now my nephew is due any day now.... ok take that in and I will fill you in on my next blog.
~Jo
As John Lennon said, life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. I was able to stay home after my son was born but this day and age in America you do not make a lot of money in a minimum wage one income family. So I got a job when my son turned 1 year old. The job was at a call center which it turned out I could do pretty good at if i pushed myself, and at times made some really good money. I was making enough money that my husband could in theory stay home and take care of the kids. So he quit his job...but that had a negative effect on me and because it's not supposed to be a stay at home dad it's supposed to be a stay at home mom.
Things started spiraling from there but I tried to hold it together. My husband was playing video games a lot so we didn't go out much. It was his escape from his inner demonds so to speak. We didn't have a lot of friends but my sister had recentally moved back into town.
I didn't grow up with my sister, she is 7 years younger then me and is only my half sister. Her and I became really close and so she started hanging out at our house everyday. Soon she started hanging out with my husband on her days off while I was at work....I think most people can see where this is leading.
New years eve 2009 my sister, my husband and I all got a little tipsy. Adult subjects were touched up on and there was a bit of flirting but nothing was supposed to come of it. I woke up New Years morning to my husband and my sister cuddled up on the living room couch under a blanket because they were cold. I was assured that nothing happened.
My sister continued to hang out a lot, spending her nights off at my house and most of her evenings even when she did work. Very rarley did she spend time away from us. One morning she walks into my bedroom and lets me know that she is pregnant. (play stupid time) Who is the father? No one I know , it was a one night stand. I wasn't going to push it but ofcourse I had my suspicions and so did everyone else. One time my half brother got mad at my sister and sent her a text. She wwas mad and threw the phone, I asked her if I could read the text. She said I could. "have fun hanning out with Jo and the baby's daddy".
So yes I confronted my husband. He asked me how I could think that I would do that to him and to our family...a bunch of other stuff that I really don't remember.I gave him the benifit of the doubt but still knew it didn't fit right.
By the time my sister was 5 months along I was having a real hard time with my anxiety and depression trying to hold it all in and hold everyone together. The three of us took my kids to a friends kids birthday party at a park. Thankfully it was a bright sunny day, I was wearing sunglasses.For me wearing sunglasses is very disorienting. It is like watching tv. My husband and I were sitting on a short wall at the playground with my sister in a swing across from us. I could tell something was bothering my husband so I started to push a little. It didn't take much and honestly I really don't remember much of what he said. My sister got up immediatley and almost ran across the playground. That's when he came clean with me. I actually kinda smiled. About time! I'm not even sure what I said...I have a great blocking mechanisim when it comes to trauma.
I was like a zombie for the rest of that day, the next day I was supposed to go to work and then we were all going to go to the county fair. (Alot of times my sister came everywhere with us, we rarely did anything without bringing her along) Instead that morning I waited for my boss to show up. I told her everything that had happend and told her I was not going to be able to work. I got in my truck and just started driving. 80 miles later I was in a rurual town in the foorhills of the cascades. I stayed there for 2 or 3 hours in a parkinglot of a little grocery store. I finally called my husband and told him where I was and we talked a little bit.Again ofcourse I don't remember what was said. but we agreed to try to work through this. I drove home and evven still went to the county fair and pretended like everything was ok.
The next day I still had problems adjusting to the whoole situation so my husband and I went to the coast to try to talk some things out. I think we had agreed on what we needed to work on but again...don't remember.
Now my nephew is due any day now.... ok take that in and I will fill you in on my next blog.
~Jo
A Little Introduction
I was once told by a superficial guy on a train that I was the typical girl next door. Funny how that stuck with me. I didn't disagree with him, I may seem pretty average. But nothing in my life has been average! So I decided to start this blog with the similarities and differences of being the girl next door ~ Jo.
Why I am the girl next door.
1.I have brown hair and green eyes.
2. I am a little overweight but not obese.
3. I am married with 2 kids.
4.Grew up in a single parent family on welfare.
Based on those 4 things I think about 60% of women my age can relate. Oh yeah and that being said I will turn 30 in Jan 22/2010.
Now the things that make me different~ almost everything haha!
To begin with I was an accident. My mother was divorced and slept with a married man. Because of existing health problems of my mothers, my grandma had a big hand in raising me. So much that my mother and I are not really close. My father was not in the picture at all. I also had an older brother who I really looked up to. He is 7 years older than me. I grew up in the same house that I currently live in. My Grandma paid off the house which is a good thing because my mother is to disabled to work, so when my grandma died the house went to my mother. My grandma's health was not that great either so since I was about 11 I helped take care of her and my mother. By doing so it made me grow up really fast. My grandma passed away when I was 16 , that is when I learned to muster up my strength and take of others before I took care of myself.According to some psychologist this is where I learned my co dependency issues (lol everyone in America has issues why do psychs have to name them?)
Oh yes and somewhere along the line I also picked up anxiety and panic disorder.It's real people! And I have found it very hard to overcome. I will most likely touch on it quite a bit in the blogs to come.
hmm ok lets skip past the abusive boy friends and the high school sweet heart who just didn't work out and go to 21years old. I was going to the bar every night as long as I had money. A friend wanted to join me at the bar an she brought along a guy she met on the Internet that she was interested in. He is now my husband...ooops! Things happened fast with him, within 5 months we were expecting our daughter. In 2004 we were married. We found out fast that things were not going to be easy. We moved in with his mom, his brother and his 3 kids into a 1 bedroom apartment. Meanwhile we were also trying to have another child. Obviously the timing wasn't right, I ended up having 3 miscarriages in a year and a half. Also his mom had pre-existing medical issues too, so she moved down to California to be with her daughter. I soon found out I was having a boy, but that joy turned when his mom suddenly passed away shortly after. It was a hard thing for my husband to go through and he went into a deep depression...............
and that is just a summery! actually that is all i am going to get into tonight, it is going to be a bit to take in and yes I will always be long winded! I am challenging myself to write this blog at the very least once a week. So thanks for reading.
~just Jo
Why I am the girl next door.
1.I have brown hair and green eyes.
2. I am a little overweight but not obese.
3. I am married with 2 kids.
4.Grew up in a single parent family on welfare.
Based on those 4 things I think about 60% of women my age can relate. Oh yeah and that being said I will turn 30 in Jan 22/2010.
Now the things that make me different~ almost everything haha!
To begin with I was an accident. My mother was divorced and slept with a married man. Because of existing health problems of my mothers, my grandma had a big hand in raising me. So much that my mother and I are not really close. My father was not in the picture at all. I also had an older brother who I really looked up to. He is 7 years older than me. I grew up in the same house that I currently live in. My Grandma paid off the house which is a good thing because my mother is to disabled to work, so when my grandma died the house went to my mother. My grandma's health was not that great either so since I was about 11 I helped take care of her and my mother. By doing so it made me grow up really fast. My grandma passed away when I was 16 , that is when I learned to muster up my strength and take of others before I took care of myself.According to some psychologist this is where I learned my co dependency issues (lol everyone in America has issues why do psychs have to name them?)
Oh yes and somewhere along the line I also picked up anxiety and panic disorder.It's real people! And I have found it very hard to overcome. I will most likely touch on it quite a bit in the blogs to come.
hmm ok lets skip past the abusive boy friends and the high school sweet heart who just didn't work out and go to 21years old. I was going to the bar every night as long as I had money. A friend wanted to join me at the bar an she brought along a guy she met on the Internet that she was interested in. He is now my husband...ooops! Things happened fast with him, within 5 months we were expecting our daughter. In 2004 we were married. We found out fast that things were not going to be easy. We moved in with his mom, his brother and his 3 kids into a 1 bedroom apartment. Meanwhile we were also trying to have another child. Obviously the timing wasn't right, I ended up having 3 miscarriages in a year and a half. Also his mom had pre-existing medical issues too, so she moved down to California to be with her daughter. I soon found out I was having a boy, but that joy turned when his mom suddenly passed away shortly after. It was a hard thing for my husband to go through and he went into a deep depression...............
and that is just a summery! actually that is all i am going to get into tonight, it is going to be a bit to take in and yes I will always be long winded! I am challenging myself to write this blog at the very least once a week. So thanks for reading.
~just Jo
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