So now that you know a little about my background let's touch on the current situation. Of course it has a back ground too. I was always big on wanting a normal life when I grew up, you know to fit into my girl next door charector a little better. A happily married couple taking care of thier children together,even thought about joining the PTA and having play dates for my children. Never wanted a day care to raise my kids but wasn't about to be a mini van mom either.
As John Lennon said, life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. I was able to stay home after my son was born but this day and age in America you do not make a lot of money in a minimum wage one income family. So I got a job when my son turned 1 year old. The job was at a call center which it turned out I could do pretty good at if i pushed myself, and at times made some really good money. I was making enough money that my husband could in theory stay home and take care of the kids. So he quit his job...but that had a negative effect on me and because it's not supposed to be a stay at home dad it's supposed to be a stay at home mom.
Things started spiraling from there but I tried to hold it together. My husband was playing video games a lot so we didn't go out much. It was his escape from his inner demonds so to speak. We didn't have a lot of friends but my sister had recentally moved back into town.
I didn't grow up with my sister, she is 7 years younger then me and is only my half sister. Her and I became really close and so she started hanging out at our house everyday. Soon she started hanging out with my husband on her days off while I was at work....I think most people can see where this is leading.
New years eve 2009 my sister, my husband and I all got a little tipsy. Adult subjects were touched up on and there was a bit of flirting but nothing was supposed to come of it. I woke up New Years morning to my husband and my sister cuddled up on the living room couch under a blanket because they were cold. I was assured that nothing happened.
My sister continued to hang out a lot, spending her nights off at my house and most of her evenings even when she did work. Very rarley did she spend time away from us. One morning she walks into my bedroom and lets me know that she is pregnant. (play stupid time) Who is the father? No one I know , it was a one night stand. I wasn't going to push it but ofcourse I had my suspicions and so did everyone else. One time my half brother got mad at my sister and sent her a text. She wwas mad and threw the phone, I asked her if I could read the text. She said I could. "have fun hanning out with Jo and the baby's daddy".
So yes I confronted my husband. He asked me how I could think that I would do that to him and to our family...a bunch of other stuff that I really don't remember.I gave him the benifit of the doubt but still knew it didn't fit right.
By the time my sister was 5 months along I was having a real hard time with my anxiety and depression trying to hold it all in and hold everyone together. The three of us took my kids to a friends kids birthday party at a park. Thankfully it was a bright sunny day, I was wearing sunglasses.For me wearing sunglasses is very disorienting. It is like watching tv. My husband and I were sitting on a short wall at the playground with my sister in a swing across from us. I could tell something was bothering my husband so I started to push a little. It didn't take much and honestly I really don't remember much of what he said. My sister got up immediatley and almost ran across the playground. That's when he came clean with me. I actually kinda smiled. About time! I'm not even sure what I said...I have a great blocking mechanisim when it comes to trauma.
I was like a zombie for the rest of that day, the next day I was supposed to go to work and then we were all going to go to the county fair. (Alot of times my sister came everywhere with us, we rarely did anything without bringing her along) Instead that morning I waited for my boss to show up. I told her everything that had happend and told her I was not going to be able to work. I got in my truck and just started driving. 80 miles later I was in a rurual town in the foorhills of the cascades. I stayed there for 2 or 3 hours in a parkinglot of a little grocery store. I finally called my husband and told him where I was and we talked a little bit.Again ofcourse I don't remember what was said. but we agreed to try to work through this. I drove home and evven still went to the county fair and pretended like everything was ok.
The next day I still had problems adjusting to the whoole situation so my husband and I went to the coast to try to talk some things out. I think we had agreed on what we needed to work on but again...don't remember.
Now my nephew is due any day now.... ok take that in and I will fill you in on my next blog.
~Jo
Monday, December 6, 2010
A Little Introduction
I was once told by a superficial guy on a train that I was the typical girl next door. Funny how that stuck with me. I didn't disagree with him, I may seem pretty average. But nothing in my life has been average! So I decided to start this blog with the similarities and differences of being the girl next door ~ Jo.
Why I am the girl next door.
1.I have brown hair and green eyes.
2. I am a little overweight but not obese.
3. I am married with 2 kids.
4.Grew up in a single parent family on welfare.
Based on those 4 things I think about 60% of women my age can relate. Oh yeah and that being said I will turn 30 in Jan 22/2010.
Now the things that make me different~ almost everything haha!
To begin with I was an accident. My mother was divorced and slept with a married man. Because of existing health problems of my mothers, my grandma had a big hand in raising me. So much that my mother and I are not really close. My father was not in the picture at all. I also had an older brother who I really looked up to. He is 7 years older than me. I grew up in the same house that I currently live in. My Grandma paid off the house which is a good thing because my mother is to disabled to work, so when my grandma died the house went to my mother. My grandma's health was not that great either so since I was about 11 I helped take care of her and my mother. By doing so it made me grow up really fast. My grandma passed away when I was 16 , that is when I learned to muster up my strength and take of others before I took care of myself.According to some psychologist this is where I learned my co dependency issues (lol everyone in America has issues why do psychs have to name them?)
Oh yes and somewhere along the line I also picked up anxiety and panic disorder.It's real people! And I have found it very hard to overcome. I will most likely touch on it quite a bit in the blogs to come.
hmm ok lets skip past the abusive boy friends and the high school sweet heart who just didn't work out and go to 21years old. I was going to the bar every night as long as I had money. A friend wanted to join me at the bar an she brought along a guy she met on the Internet that she was interested in. He is now my husband...ooops! Things happened fast with him, within 5 months we were expecting our daughter. In 2004 we were married. We found out fast that things were not going to be easy. We moved in with his mom, his brother and his 3 kids into a 1 bedroom apartment. Meanwhile we were also trying to have another child. Obviously the timing wasn't right, I ended up having 3 miscarriages in a year and a half. Also his mom had pre-existing medical issues too, so she moved down to California to be with her daughter. I soon found out I was having a boy, but that joy turned when his mom suddenly passed away shortly after. It was a hard thing for my husband to go through and he went into a deep depression...............
and that is just a summery! actually that is all i am going to get into tonight, it is going to be a bit to take in and yes I will always be long winded! I am challenging myself to write this blog at the very least once a week. So thanks for reading.
~just Jo
Why I am the girl next door.
1.I have brown hair and green eyes.
2. I am a little overweight but not obese.
3. I am married with 2 kids.
4.Grew up in a single parent family on welfare.
Based on those 4 things I think about 60% of women my age can relate. Oh yeah and that being said I will turn 30 in Jan 22/2010.
Now the things that make me different~ almost everything haha!
To begin with I was an accident. My mother was divorced and slept with a married man. Because of existing health problems of my mothers, my grandma had a big hand in raising me. So much that my mother and I are not really close. My father was not in the picture at all. I also had an older brother who I really looked up to. He is 7 years older than me. I grew up in the same house that I currently live in. My Grandma paid off the house which is a good thing because my mother is to disabled to work, so when my grandma died the house went to my mother. My grandma's health was not that great either so since I was about 11 I helped take care of her and my mother. By doing so it made me grow up really fast. My grandma passed away when I was 16 , that is when I learned to muster up my strength and take of others before I took care of myself.According to some psychologist this is where I learned my co dependency issues (lol everyone in America has issues why do psychs have to name them?)
Oh yes and somewhere along the line I also picked up anxiety and panic disorder.It's real people! And I have found it very hard to overcome. I will most likely touch on it quite a bit in the blogs to come.
hmm ok lets skip past the abusive boy friends and the high school sweet heart who just didn't work out and go to 21years old. I was going to the bar every night as long as I had money. A friend wanted to join me at the bar an she brought along a guy she met on the Internet that she was interested in. He is now my husband...ooops! Things happened fast with him, within 5 months we were expecting our daughter. In 2004 we were married. We found out fast that things were not going to be easy. We moved in with his mom, his brother and his 3 kids into a 1 bedroom apartment. Meanwhile we were also trying to have another child. Obviously the timing wasn't right, I ended up having 3 miscarriages in a year and a half. Also his mom had pre-existing medical issues too, so she moved down to California to be with her daughter. I soon found out I was having a boy, but that joy turned when his mom suddenly passed away shortly after. It was a hard thing for my husband to go through and he went into a deep depression...............
and that is just a summery! actually that is all i am going to get into tonight, it is going to be a bit to take in and yes I will always be long winded! I am challenging myself to write this blog at the very least once a week. So thanks for reading.
~just Jo
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